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A Woman’s Vengeance
I thank1 you for your sympathy,
But help! No,2 there is none for me.
For what I’ve done I feel no sting
Of penitence, nor can time bring
One pang of sorrow. You may think
Me hard, unfeeling, and may shrink3
From me with loathing when I say,
I’m glad my bullet found the way
Into his heart; and I would do
The same again, and glory4 too,
In having done it. Penalty!
For what they now may do with me
I care but little.5 He is dead,
And that ends all.
What made me do the deed? The old,
Old6 time-worn story of man’s cold
And heartless cruelty; of wrongs
Heaped on her head,7 to whom belongs
At least respect,8 if nothing more.
I met him—him, my husband—just
Five years ago. My God! what trust
I placed in his fair words, so soft,
So sweet, so full of love. But love is blind,
And I was madly so. The first two years
Were full9 of joy—joy without tears.
My life was of peaceful love.
But ah! the change came sudden, fast;
My summer sun was overcast.10
The godlike being that I thought
Of all mankind11 the most perfect wrought,
Tore off12
the mask that hid his face,
And, to my horror,13 in his place
Revealed a demon,14 blackest-hued,
Remorseless, pitiless, imbued
With all the wickedness that heart
Can hold, or shameless sin15 impart.…
Then came at last the final blow—
The worst that love can contemplate,
And which can turn that love to hate.16
One night, when he had gone from me,
I found a letter which he carelessly
Had overlooked. The script17 was small
And neat—a woman’s hand! A wall
Of fire outstretched18 before my eyes;
A nameless horror seemed to rise.
GESTURES, 1. Bow head. 2. V. Con. 3. E.V. to right. 4. A.O. 5. Shrug shoulders. 6. H.B. 7. P.H.O. 8. H.O. 9. B.H.O. 10. V.A.O. 11. B.H.O. 12. V. Sp. 13. E.V. to R. 14. Ind. D.O. 15. P.D.O. 16. P.D.O. 17. Look in left hand. 18. V.H. Sw. 19. Clasp to breast. 20. To head. 21. B.P.D. 22. B.C1. D. 23. Sp. 24. Trace on left hand. 25. Hand to head. 26. H.O. 27. To self. 28. Left Sp. 29. H.F. 30. B. sp. 31. Lis. 32. To self. 33. H.O. 34. Lean to R. and raise hand. 35. To head. 36. B.V.Sp. 37. H.F. 38. Look to left. 39. B.D.F. 40. Left H.O. 41-42. B.Sp. 43. Start back. 44. R. hand to heart. 45. Left V. Sw. 46. Sp. 47. Ind. H.F. 48. B.V.H.F. 49. B.H.O. 50. A.O, 51. To self.
No, no! this could not be. He might
Be bad, be dead to sense of right,
But false! O Heaven!19 The dreadful thought
Surged in my brain.20 I crushed21 it, fought22
It down with frenzied eagerness.
The note was open; chilled, nerveless,
I drew it23 from its fold and read,
24“This night to meet him,” so it said.
This night! how throbbed25 my aching head!
Her house it gave—the place, the hour—
I seemed renewed with sudden power.
He26 would be there, and so would I.27
I cast28 the hated letter by;
My child from off the floor I clasped,
And from the bureau drawer I grasped
A loaded pistol that would right
My wrong. So out29 into the night,
Into the raging storm, I fled,
My babe clasped30 in my arms.…
So through the night I sped along
Until I reached her house.
And then I heard31
A voice within—his voice! Each word
In sweet and loving tenderness,
And accents that my32 heart should bless
Were lavished on her33 listening ears.
I listened, listened,34 all unseen,
Until I thought I should go wild.35
Then, with a desperate hand, flung wide36
The casement. With a bound, beside
The two37 stood. She started—screamed;
He turned38 and saw me, and then seemed
A moment as if turned to stone;
And as his baseness I made known,
She—poor thing—with a long, low cry,
Sank39 to the floor despairingly.
Then, like a fiend let loose from hell,
He toward40 me leaped with one fierce yell,
And grasping41 quick a heavy chair
Cried, “Curse you!” whirled it high42 in air.
I sprang aside43 in sudden dread;
The blow fell full upon the head
Of my sweet child, that lifeless dropped
Back in my arms. My heart throbs44 stopped;
A red mist swam46 before my sight;
I could not scream, try as I might.
I grasped the pistol46 from my breast,
And then I killed47 him! All the rest
For days to me was blank;48 and when—
O Heaven! why did I not die then?
At last my sense came back. I would
Have taken my own life if I could.
But it perhaps was better49 so;
God will not judge me hard, I know.
And when, in answer to His call,
I stand within the heavenly hall,50
And the Blessed One
Says, “Why hast thou transgressed my laws?”
My babe shall plead its mother’s51 cause.
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